It's So High, I Can't Get Over It

It's been more than a year since I wrote my last post.

In all this time, I haven't been able to get past it.

I'm still so very, very depressed.

I think I need help. But I have no one to ask. I have no way of asking.

All day, every day, all I think about is ending this. All this.

I go to work, go on holiday, go out to dinner, meet friends, pay bills, watch movies.

I do all the things that normal people do. But I can't enjoy them.

I am so anxious, I can't sleep.

I have migraines.

I can't cry. (I never could)

I just want this to be over. I am so desperate for this to be over.

I don't care which 'this' ends first, the depression or the life. One of it needs to end.

Nothing I do is making this go away.

I have nobody left that I love, that also loves me, that I actually like and that actually likes me. Not one person in the world checks off all four boxes.

Maybe I should take the step. End things. It's never as viable as it is now. In all the years I've thought about killing myself, it's never been as viable an option as it is now. It's been a year and a half. I just want it to be over.